Lesser of Two Evils

Lesser of Two Evils

I’d been itching for years to write a rap song. When the 2004 election rolled around, it seemed like the only form that could fit everything I wanted to say, about a race that pitted Tweedledum against Darth Vader.

It’s election year, and I’m trying to figure,
Is there anyone I trust with his finger on the trigger?
I’m reading the papers, and I ain’t makin’ merry.
To choose ‘tween a Nader, a Bush or a Kerry.
None of ’em’s the leader I woulda chose,
And it’s hard to pull a lever when I’m holding my nose.
But I’ve looked for an angel, and I hate to admit it,
He must be in heaven. He ain’t on the ticket.
So I’m making a change in my attitude:
‘Cause the lesser of two evils never looked so good.

When the year started out, the donkeys, of course,
Were waiting for a man on a big white horse.
They waited and waited, decided at last
They could live with a man on a big white ass.
‘When it all began, Kucinich was my man,
But he couldn’t even make it to also-ran.
I liked Howard Dean, till he ran out of steam
When he made that speech, saying, “I have a scream.”
I laughed at Sharpton. His jokes were funny,
But he was running on Republican money.
Shot me a glance at General Wesley,
But his song and dance was no Elvis Presley.
But one thing about ’em all, made me ecstatic –
They were so damned polite, they were un-Democratic.
‘Cause it ain’t no time for a family feud,
When the lesser of two evils never looked so good.

Then a funny thing happened in the first primary.
Everyone was laughing at the man named Kerry
When you heard him speak, he sounded wooden
Had all the charisma of a tapioca puddin’.
For months and months, he was missing in action
Now all of a sudden, he’s the main attraction.
If I had to guess, I’d have to say
It ain’t the man. It’s the resume.
He was in ‘Nam, doin’ his duty
While George was in Texas, chasing booty.
They say he’s respectable, compared to Dean,
And they pray he’s electable, whatever that means.
It means that the Democrats are knocking on wood,
That the lesser of two evils never looked so good.

Then there’s Ralph, an American hero.
I voted for him back in Twenty-Zero-Zero.
I looked at the parties, and I thought I agreed
It was just Tweedledum against Tweedledee.
But looking at the parties, four years later,
It’s Tweedledum against Darth Vader.
This time, Ralph, he ain’t my amigo
He’s trippin’ on acid, or his own ego.
If he turns out to be the spoiler,
You bet your butt, I’ll bust my boiler.
He can change his name from Ralph to Mud.
‘Cause the lesser of two evils never looked so good.

Then there’s George the Second, the man who would be king.
He never was any good at much of anything.
But had him a daddy, was good at pulling strings.
He got him outta ‘Nam. He got him into Yale.
They picked him up drunk, Poppy got him outta jail.
Got him into flight school, ahead of the rest.
In spite of his habit of flunking every test.
He left out of Texas, went to Alabam’,
And there he became The Invisible Man.
He never did fight on a foreign shore
But he’ll send other kids to a trumped-up war.
But if you wanna go to the Twilight Zone,
Take a look at the powers behind his throne.
Listen to Cheney. Listen to Rummy,
They’re ventriloquists, and Bush is the dummy.
Wolfowitz and Ashcroft, Colin and Condi,
Make Doctor Strangelove look like Gandhi.
I look at the crew. They’re so damned scary,
I just wanna shout, “Kerry! Kerry! Kerry!”
Although I know he’s no good fairy,
I’m putting my money on old John Kerry.
‘Cause I ain’t looking for sheer perfection,
Just anyone but Bush who can win this election,
Give Donald and Dick, Paul and Condoleeza,
Brand new jobs, delivering pizza.
They’ve made a mess of this War on Terror,
It’s time to declare a War on Error,
I’ve had my fill of this Texas crude,
And the lesser of two evils never looked so good.

But when Bush is losing, and Kerry’s winning,
It ain’t the end, friend, it’s just the beginning.
The lesser of two evils ain’t so evil,
If he keeps on hearing from We, the People.
We’ll send the new prez, a “Dear John” letter,
Saying, hey, Big John, you’d better do better.
You wanna hang on to your new authority?
Listen on up to the True Majority,
Don’t let the fat cats set your agenda,
Or just like George, it’s return to sender.
Get us in good jobs and out of Iraq,
And give us our Constitution back
Or next time, I’m votin’ for Elmer Fudd.
‘Cause the lesser of two evils never looked so good.

Bluebonnet Border SkinnyWords and music © 2004 by Steve Brooks and Frog Records
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