Chainsaw Al

Back in the ’90s, “Chainsaw Al” Dunlap was to downsizing what Mark McGwire was to home runs and Lance Armstrong was to Tours de France. After being fired by Sunbeam, he was sued for accounting fraud by the Securities and Exchange Commission. In 2009, Conde Nast Portfolio.com named him the 6th-worst CEO of all time.

They say every revolution,
From the French up to the Rooshian,
Has ended up by eating up its own.
You can’t get caught a-napping,
When the axes start a-whacking,
If you want to keep your seat upon the throne.
So it seems a little mishap,
Has happened to Al Dunlap,
Who used to be the bosses’ biggest friend.
He’s finally fallen victim,
To his squad of corporate hitmen,
To bring his reign of error to it end.

CHORUS
And it’s so long, Chainsaw Al
The executioner’s calling.
So long, Chainsaw Al.
This time, it’s your head that’s falling.

He had himself a mean scheme,
When he arrived at Sunbeam,
To cut the jobs and build the bottom line.
Six thousand layoffs later,
The profits were no greater.
You’d have to say that Sunbeam didn’t shine.
So he went off on a bender,
As a big-time corporate spender,
Just buying every company in sight.
The pink slips were a-flying,
But the public wasn’t buying,
So Sunbeam is a-turning off his lights.

CHORUS
And it’s so long, Chainsaw Al
You should not find it surprising.
So long, Chainsaw Al.
This time, it’s you they’re downsizing.

But don’t you cry for Dunlap.
You can bet he’s gonna come back,
Like Dracula arising from the dead.
Some other suited sucker
Will be paying him big buckers
To be lopping off some other workers’ heads.
You’d think they would be learning
That they ain’t improving earnings
By cutting off their workers at the knees,
But it’s still poetic justice,
When the ones that try to bust us.
Get caught in their own chainsaw massacree.

CHORUS
And it’s so long, Chainsaw Al
You were the king of the layoffs.
So long, Chainsaw Al.
You found out that layoffs don’t pay off.
So long, Chainsaw Al
Investors are barking for raw meat.
So long, Chainsaw Al.
We’ll see you in Hell or on Wall Street.

Words and music © 1998 by Steve Brooks and Frog Records
(512) 440-7668
[email protected]
www.stevebrooks.net

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